Monday, May 16, 2011

Why I Suck as a Blogger

In the voice of Chris Farley in “Tommy Boy,” this is why I suck as a blogger:
Shawn: Hey, what’s your name?
Helen: Helen.
Shawn: That’s nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, we’re both internet users. Let me tell you why I suck as a blogger. Let’s say I have an idea to blog about, let’s say it's an even remotely interesting idea. I've thought about it, I've even done a little research on it. Well, then I get all excited. I’m like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. Now the pet is my possible blog. Hello there, pretty little pet. I love you. And then I stroke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hehe, I love it! I love my little, naughty pet. You’re naughty. And then I take my naughty pet and I go
[making ripping noises as I tear apart a roll or other visual aid]
That's the point where I am usually either 300 words into an impossible-to-complete post OR I have been completely de-railed and I have moved on to something else that caught my (oh, shiny!) attention. I have these great ideas, and really the best intentions, but I am truly my own worst enemy. I famously bite off more than I can chew or completely suffer from an imbalance of priorities. At the same time.



Tommy: Uuuuuuh. I killed it. I killed my [blog]. And that’s when I blow it. That’s when people like us have gotta forge ahead, Helen. Am I right?
Helen: God, you’re sick.

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