Dead Languages: Requiescat In Pace

In the Good Ol' days, Latin was reserved for the elite. Between the First Century Anno Domini until the time of Darwin, Latin was an ironic common bond between Scientists and Clergy. Knowing Latin was a clear division between the educated noble class and the vulgar common folk. As of this Morning, August 1st, Latin's been a "Dead Language" for about a thousand years. Even the Vatican abandoned it as the official lingua franca in the '60s. It is time to let it take it's place in history.

This idea that Speaking Latin = Erudition in the year 2007 only leads to a lot of people looking stupid and sounding ridiculous. Exempli gratia- nobody would think you less of an idiot for saying, "I'll Help You if You'll Help Me" in Ancient Mayan or Proto-Latvian, but modern speakers are to be taken as geniuses for saying, "We'll do it Quid Pro Quo" (followed by a smug little wink). Communication is only useful if both parties understand what is being said, ergo, it is useless to say words in a language that no one understands.

Across the internet, bloggers affect intellectualism by spattering pseudo-latin phrases into places they don't belong. Nothing makes you look like a bigger idiot than trying to sound smart and then saying something nonsensical. Here are some tips:

Tip #1: Et Al. This is an abbreviation for "Et Alia" meaning "And Others." It is a useful phrase for writing about a bunch of people, and only having to name the most important one.
Sample Sentence- "Everything about Latin is known by Shawn Butler, et al."
Way to Look Like an Imbecile- Using the English word "All" as in- "I know everything about Latin, I've read Socrates, et all."

Tip #2: Per Se is the Latin phrase for "Through Itself." It should be used to express the idea that something does or does not support an argument in and of itself.
Sample Sentence- "Knowing Latin per se does not make one smart."
Way to Look Like an Imbecile- First, by NOT knowing what it means, as in - "I'm not a Latin Expert per se, but I know a few phrases." This happens when people are trying to sound intellectual, but they really mean the phrase "as they say" or "so to speak."
The Second is by mispelling it, as in - "I shouldn't have tried to use Latin, but now it's out of my hands, per say."
I've also seen these: perse, persay, and even pursay. Wow.

Tip #3: i.e. is the abbreviation for "id est" meaning "that is." It is really the most basic phrase ever created; the equivalent of "that is to say" or "I mean..."
Sample Sentence- "I love the Classics, i.e. Latin and Greek."
People say it all the time in English and never have a problem. "Yeah, I read Plato, that is, I read The Republic by Plato." See how it is getting more specific? That makes you sound smart!
How to Sound Like an Idiot- Now, try to use it to start a list, as in- "I've been to lots of countries, i.e. Italy and Greece." It's subtle, but trust me, it's WRONG. What they are after is another phrase in Latin:

Tip#4: e.g. is the abbreviation for "exempli gratia" meaning "for example." Another No-Brainer in English, but things get tricky when you don't know what you're saying and you're trying to sound smart.
Sample Sentence- "Cicero's best writings are actually speeches, e.g. On Behalf of Milo and Post Reditum in Senatu"

An interesting point just came to mind-- Why even bother putting down any of these terms? In most cases, we're saying the exact same words we would in English. You can't even say they are abbreviations to save space. In the case of Pro Bono (For Free), you're not even saving letters.

Here's the new rule: If you don't know what it means, don't say it/ write it/ type it/ blog it/ link to it. That's it. In fact, we are all just better off forgetting that Latin was ever a language at all. Let's just be honest about it:

Latin is Smart People Secret Code.

So, like any secret code, all the club members should have a little codebook that we can flip to in order to decode our encrypted messages. I suppose that could be next week's blog. Q.E.D.

Fun Fact: Latin is a Language Option on the Screens of the ATM Machines in Vatican City. This way the Cardinals can get some QuickCash. --Shawn Butler

Apple's iRony

UPDATE: Just read the "interview" responses of Steve Jobs to Walt Mossberg in the WSJ. Ummm... the answer to 3 of the 7 Qs was "[Apple] doesn't talk about future products." All Mossberg was trying to find out was

1. if iPhone was going to be stuck on the same slow EDGE network offered by AT&T,
2. if there would be less expensive models of iPhone released, a la the Shuffle for iPod, and
3. will you be fixing the issues with the iPhone that we didn't like, such as video, IM, and GPS (See article)?

The answer to all Three Questions: "We don't talk about future products." Oh yeah, Steve Jobs? What do you call the last 7 months since your stunt at the MacWorld Conference? The one where you talked all about your future product?

The Apple (NASDAQ: AAPL) iPhone will hit stores on Friday, June 29th. The media and tech worlds wait like eager dogs at the foot of Steve Jobs' dinner table. But all may not be well in the iWorld-- At $499 and $599 for the 4 and 8 Gig units respectively, some call it overpriced, overhyped and overloaded with unnecessary features.

iPhone may also be overpromising. Recent releases say it will now deliver eight hours of talk time, compared with the five hours it originally promised and the four hours available on current Über-PDA competitors Blackberry Curve and Palm Treo 750. Other small print reveals that ownership of the unit will require a two-year contract with AT&T (NYSE: T). Hmmm... that is a fact that should be printed in Super Bold.

Lastly, serious corporate America is not jumping on the Apple Bandwagon. The technology that allowed Research In Motion Ltd.'s (NASDAQ: RIMM) Blackberry to meld easily was created by an early partnership with business-friendly Microsoft (NASDAQ: MSFT). IT experts report that the Apple app IMAP is a security risk. That's enough to keep most businesses from sync-ing the piece with their internal email systems. That leaves iPhone die-hards with the extra hastle of Re-Forwarding everything from the office through POP servers... something BENEATH most Mac Addicts that I know.

Ad Age Editor Jonah Bloom, says "Rational thinking has nothing to do with it. Consumers will lust after the iPhone and thus ignore both necessity, price and service contracts."
Ah, but will they also ignore the near uselessness of its internet, corporate email, and battery-draining irrelevant features? I vote there'll be a big "no" from the world's business professionals. But what's Apple doing trying to get into business anyways? Stick to Consumer Electronics and your iLife… ipod-toting teens and megalopolitan hipsters will line up for miles awaiting Steve's future table scraps. --Shawn Butler

If you can't beat 'em… call them nerds

Although hailed as a new tier of clever competitor-specific comparative advertising, the "iconic" [sic] Mac vs. PC Ads are nothing new to consumers. For decades, we have watched the world's Super Brands go head-to-head in the beverage industry. We've enjoyed ring-side seats between The Choice of a New Generation and Always Coca-Cola (NYSE: KO), as well as Budweiser (NYSE:BUD), undisputed King of Beers battling the "President of Beers," Miller Brewing Co., now SABMiller (NYSE: MO).

In these instances, it is nothing more than Madison Avenue's take on a tactic we've all used since grade school-- make fun of anyone doing better than us! Microsoft (NASDAQ: MSFT) controls a 90% marketshare in the computer/software ind. Mac (NASDAQ: AAPL) is by far the underdog, and in retaliation, they are not going after the usual mix: price, prod. quality, availability, instead they post ads saying, "90% marketshare and undisputed dominance in business? Well, atleast I'm cool!" For all the lauds of "cleverness" and subtle "jabbing" TBWA\ is receiving for the Mac vs. PC ads, let's take an honest look at what Steve Jobs is really saying:

Personally, I prefer Alltel's Chad campaign. It's the exact same concept-- Alltel, (NYSE: AT) the smallest of the 5 major wireless carriers, poses their spokesman, Chad, as the suave, popular, cool guy who is competing against the huge established companies, characterized as geeks and nerds. Basically, aren't these all just new iterations of the playground joke "Sure you get better grades, but atleast I'm not a dork!" --Shawn Butler

Indians and iPods

Many of you have already found this. This image was taken from space of a hill that looks a lot like A Native American Listening to His iPod. Google Inc.-- the same company that gives us Google.com, Blogger.com, Google Moon, and a host of other fun things I use everyday provides Google Maps for Free. This site is great fun, inspiring Andy Samburg to call it "the best. . . Double True." But I want to tell you that there are things to do on GoogleMaps even after you're done finding your house, your job, and cyber-stalking your exes from Global Satelites.

Google Sightseeing is one of many spin-off sights where people are posting the funny stuff they find as they mouse all over the planet. Sightings of UFOs and monsters, as well as rumors of amassing armies on the Chinese-India border abound, complete with KML coordinates and clickable photos. Here are some other funny sights at Haha.nu. Including the boy who built his own Location Balloon.

Fast Company labels Google (NASDAQ:GOOG) as an "authentic" brand and calls it "purpose-driven." Google is not humble about this, boasting a corporate philosophy that they "organize the world's information and make it universally accessible and useful." Deeper into their homepage I found this: "You can make money without doing evil," and, "Work should be challenging and the challenge should be fun." Busy, busy.

Company shares today trade at $487.11, way down from their high at $513 in Nov, but still well above the market's avg. share price-- I'm predicting a split this summer, like my YUM shares! I think we should all pitch in, buy Google stock, and drive up this share price! (NOTE: The writer is not qualified to give stock advice or counsel, as he knows next-to-nothing about any of this stuff.)

Midway through writing this post, I realized how much Google really does for me to make our modern, internet-facilitated world a better place. Thanks Google! Good luck on your mission of taking over the world! --Shawn Butler

Mitt Is It! Romney for President 2008

This Man Has the Ability to Lead America Out of the Slump Created by the Last Four Presidential Terms.

America needs a President that we can look up to. The World needs an American President that is leading the global community in intellect, integrity, and mutual respect. Romney brings back to the White House traditional American values, confident integrity, solid morals, and a platform that understands America's needs. He plans to execute an effective foreign policy that will end the "War" in the only way it can end, a decisive American victory and the long-term stabilization of a local government in Iraq.

I am tired of being embarrassed for the policies, demeanor, and scandals of our nation's leader. I am hard-pressed to understand why anyone would cast their vote for more of the same policies, demeanor, and scandals that we have endured over the past 7 years embodied in the other major candidates in both parties with exception of Obama, from whom I am not sure what to expect. But that is my issue with him, he has no record from which to extrapolate a "what to expect".

If you agree with Mitt Romney's ideas for America, and like me, are tired of suffering humiliation in the global community for our elected leader, then join Mitt on his website MittRomney.com and let him know that you believe in him.

Or you should buckle up and look forward to four more years of this:

Encyclopedia of Life, the Universe, and Everything

Now I'm ALL about Ambition. Biting off more than one can chew is just one of the many pleasures of this thing we call "Sentient Existence," but this guy is just abusing the privilege.

Edward Osborne Wilson is an American Scientist, a myrmecologist to be exact, who has a lofty goal. He grew up in Mobile, Alabama, earned his Eagle Scout award, and loved watching ants. Nothing spectacular, except that he earned his Ph.D. in "Ant Studies" from Harvard.

And so we see that the User Contributed Content of the Wiki-Economic Age has a new catalyst. Dr. Wilson is proposing to harness Web 2.0 to accomplish the online cataloging of the earth's known species. 1.8 million of them, to be precise. And still counting. I wish him well, but am reminded that I have not yet finished the job of cataloging products for Medline Apparel, and they only have 100,000 "species." Hmmm... Maybe I can open source this one. Anyone interested in the Collaborative Authoring of a Healthcare Pamphlet, let me know.



For More Info on This, You've Got to Check Out the Shear Scope of this Project: Click this for his website's demo pages Or simply wander your way over to the homepage http://www.eol.org

There is an additional 24 minute YouTube Clip of him discussing his vision at the award ceremony for Technology Entertainment Design, but I am all about short-attention span news postings. So you'll have to click to that place by yourself. Here's the link, though. E.O. Wilson Accepts his 2007 TED Prize
You're welcome. --Shawn Butler

Subliminal Marketing Revealed!

Is this guy for real?!?!? In the small business consulting "biz" and particularly in the restaurant industry, one gets onto some interesting mailing lists, but here's something I've never seen:

Now, Marketers are not always giving us a straight-forward sell-- we all get that --but subliminal sales triggers? This might be just TOO MUCH. So when my BS detector started going crazy, I did a little research into this guy... and couldn't find much at all.

And that's what bothered me. The guy's name is Kamron Karington, no clues there except that he has Utah roots; that state is famous for creative name mispellings. The 6 google returns for his website (click pic) and the 556 on his name search yielded unreliable results, most of them were his own or affiliated pages. He DID buy a full-page ad in Fast Casual's Apr/May Issue [What, you don't read Fast Casual magazine? ;) ] And I read the whole thing through. I was also seduced into reading this questionable source and his homepage here.

I call it questionable because the voice is similar to the copy on his homepage, convincing me that at least both endorsements came form the same author, if not the whole page. And I think the reason I am so interested in this is not that I am skeptical, but maybe that I really want this to be true. BECAUSE IF IT IS...

SB Marketing consulting just got a LOT easier, I simply have to get this guy's info [which is free, if you believe what you read] and then find clients willing to pay me to slowly recite Mr. Karington's Black Book of Guaranteed Subliminal Sales Secrets to them for two-hundred and forty dollars an hour...

It's almost too easy. I would be interested to hear from anyone on the success of the tactics espoused by Kamron's program. Anyone NOT affiliated with his company, that is. --Shawn Butler

On Turning 28: Perspective

This week I turned 28. I had a very small celebration, entirely because my wife planned it, got others involved and did it for me. If it were up to me, I am through with birthdays. Which I think has worked out for me. My daughter was born on my birthday, which I happily spent in the hospital with my hand being squeezed in my wife's as I shouted out encouragements about her breathing and pushing. At any rate, I believe I have effectively solved my problem of ever celebrating my birthday again.

I did, however, buy myself a birthday present. An expensive piece of electronics. I exhibit only a few of the classic Machismo behaviors, I don't use profanity, ESPN bores me, and I think beer-drinking is laughably stupid. But one man-trait I exhibit shamelessly is a passion for the electronic. I love technology. Tying in my birthday and the birth of our daughter created the necessary justification to indulge my inner hombre and I bought a video camera.

But that does not do it justice. What I bought is a Panasonic GS-320 Mini-DV Camcorder, and yes, that is another man-mannerism, it made me feel powerful and cocky to type out all those numbers and dashes. That's why girl items have soothing names, like Easyglide and Pearlmax, but boy items have Part Numbers and Product Codes, because men love numbers. And complications.

So now I have begun video taping things. And I find this fulfilling. There is a part of me that feels very satisfied when I am holding the camera and the red light is flashing. Something primal is comforted knowing that these moments; the words, inflections, miniscule motions of face and body are being captured and retained. It is a sense of reassurance that passing time IS something important. That it SHOULD be valued and held on to. It is sad that early man ( i.e.- man before the invention of the camcorder) was unable to experience this satisfaction. So it goes...

Perspective Part 2

Before Digital, cameras worked very differently. One could not see what he was recording on a 2" Liquid Crystal Display. There was no instant replay or rewind. Taking a picture was a supreme act of faith and an exercise in commitment. The image was captured, handed down from the eye of the camera and pressed resolutely and inalterably into the film. With Digital, every picture can be reviewed for approval, and without film being wasted, there is no sense of consequence. There is no metaphor in digital imaging. There is no "Cause and Effect," no "Reap What You Sew" moral lesson to be learned.

With film cameras, we still had the element of chance. There was an aspect of danger in photography. You could come out of that photo shoot with literally anything. There was no such thing as a perfect picture. This is much more akin to life=

Sometimes you can do everything exactly right. Fill up a whole roll of film. Drop it off at the store, come back in a week to pick it up, and find twenty-four images of fuzz and darkness. Like you were photographing Big Foot. With the film crew from "Blair Witch."

Life is like a film camera. I can set up the model, check the lighting, check my camera and do everything exactly the way I think it is supposed to work. Then Click. The picture is captured just as it was, whatever combination of light, distance, shutter speed, movement, etc. that occured at that moment has been compiled onto the rolling celluloid of the film canister and there's nothing I can do about it except just keep going. Aiming my camera, pointing and clicking. Some shots are arranged, like fruit in a bowl or a family portrait, while others are candids, a flashbulb halting the scene in the midst of the action and holding it still.

When the roll is filled, it has to be developed. I won't know what the pictures look like until I've gained some time perspective. When the photos are developed, I can see that "oh, I wasn't smiling" or "her eyes were closed" or "wow, there was a rainbow right behind us," but by then, the scene is set and inalterable. The moment has been through the stop bath and rinsed in hypo. As I proceed in life, I have no way of knowing what is coming next. But I have a ready camera, a half exposed roll of film, and stacks of albums filled with the things that have gone right and wrong in the past. Entire books of the things we call "Life Lessons" that can be pulled out and shared with others with a story beginning "Here is something I did wrong..." or "Here's one that went right..."

Toy-tiger... ToyGrrr... Toyger

Finally! Mankind is Putting our Science to Work on Something Worthwhile: Making "House Pet" Sized Carnivorous Jungle Cats! This is where we were meant to take our unprecedented advances in genetic engineering and stem cell research. Why on earth did they waste so much time cloning stupid sheep? We have millions of sheep, more than enough, look at the population of New Zealand. But what we don't have enough of is genetically engineered tiny pet tigers. Until now. Here are some pics:

Okay, the 1st image is actually just a normal cat, but it's good for comparison.

If you're loving these beasts like I am, here is a link for more info. And also, watch the video above! It is a hilarious example of Video Slideshow Technology in the hands of crazed cat fans.

"But Remember, Kids, we can Genetically Alter their Size, but Nothing can Alter their Savage Primordial Rage©" --I put it on the internet first, folks. When the big box companies come looking for their tagline, you are my witnesses that I had it first (and I put the "circle-C" so it's legal)!