Monday Morning

It’s Monday morning and I’m bursting with unused potential. I am in my 2nd month of being unemployed and I want so much more than what I’ve got. I want to scream what’s in my soul onto the face of this paper. I want to sit on a stage and pour my heart out, then stand and scream the verses to an audience so that it draws the tears from my eyes, their eyes. I want to have a finish line in view, just on the horizon and push every ounce of energy into every muscle and motion and squeeze out my breath like a suffocating sailor who sees the surface just over his head, just out of reach, and it seems like the last, most important thing I can do with my life is to give everything I’ve got because over that line, when the race is done, I’ve won and I don’t need to do anything after that, because that was what my life was meant for. That’s how the energy of my soul was meant to be spent. Like a rockstar giving their greatest performance, like an athlete running a world-record race, like an actor who knows, when he has delivered those lines, that he has played out an award-winning role--that he has made himself immortal. 

Someday I want to look back on this period of my life--these months when, because of my lack of focus on the work of a client in the world of ad agency or the business of marketing--I instead found myself with empty days of available canvas and found the focus and ambition within myself to not “do my job,” "attend this meeting," or “email the client back,” but to create something that came from my mind, my experiences, my soul, and my imagination that overcomes the experience of our daily, disappointing reality and replaces it with a simple, straightforward, and fathomable answer to the question that we all are asking: “Why doesn't my life make sense?”

Why can't we answer this question: “Why isn’t my ending and direction as clear to me now as they will be to me one day, when the ending is finally here and I reach the finish and can look back and say, ‘That’s why I was here, that was my purpose,’ and ‘If only I had known what I was working on, then I would have given it my all and done it my very best,’” Or at least I would have gotten myself about doing it sooner than this.

The Plot Thickens... then Writes Itself

Funny as this may sound, I have been praying about a certain aspect of the story I'm writing. It is a parallel storyline to the main one, a secondary part of the novel, really, but it helps to setup and foreshadow the main story. Anyway, I have written about 30,000 words of it, but it just hasn't felt right. It hasn't made sense. It conflicts with a lot of historical information on one hand, and it just never seemed to take on a life of its own. So, I have been immersing myself in the history and myth that it is based on, and had the big idea to make it a character study about 2 weeks ago.

So I wrote and revised and invested hours and hours of time that I know is in short supply. The bottom line was, it still wasn't working. I can't even explain why, but it wasn't fitting in and telling the story I needed it to. Plus, I was bored by it, which can't be a good sign for the future potential reader. So, I prayed about it. I pray all the time about other things, unfortunately, I just did not think of God first on this one. I have been struggling to plot-line and whiteboard this out on my own, but hadn't specifically asked for God's involvement until this weekend.

Then this morning during my shower, it hits me that this book is really about the magic. I have created a complex magic system for this novel, complete with gods and demigods and pantheons of many belief systems (more than you need to know, I'm sure), and if I want to tell this story well, the reader needs to be more engaged in the development of the magic system than in any of the characters from the secondary storyline. So, I sat down at my laptop and just stream-of-conscious wrote out the plot for how this story would play out and really explain and develop the magic system with its potential and limitations. It went beautifully! I feel like I have direction and meaning now. I will get to work on weaving this into the storyline and really making it fun and interesting to read. I said a prayer there in the shower and said my "thank you"s, adding in a request that I will remember to include God in my work earlier and more thoroughly going forward.

What Would I Die For?

At some point--many points--I have asked myself what really matters to me? Is there something I believe in enough that I would give my life for it? I think at this point, my answer is my daughter. My sons, too. And probably my wife. But definitely to protect or defend my daughter is the answer I can say for sure. She comes first to mind and my answer is without hesitation.

My faith should be one of my answers to this. For Christ I should be willing to die. To see people freed from slavery or suffering. To give others the same rights and freedoms that I have. That's what they show in the movies. That's what they write about in the history books. The martyrs, the heroes, the freedom fighters. They died for something that was larger than them, larger even than their family. For their fellow man. For a cause that they believe in. I believe that if I were put in that situation, I would be brave enough to make the right choice. I think that I'm the kind of person that would do that, too. I also think that the questions and issues that I deal with in my life are nowhere near that level of importance. My daily life does not touch on things of such significance.

http://youtu.be/KDi4hBWsvkY

The biggest item for me is my family and my marriage. That's what I have that I created, maybe all I have that's worth fighting for. I love Ginny. I have spent more than 10 years with her. That means that this girl who I didn't know until I was about 24 has given me more than 10 years of her life, her trust, her time, and her love. She has given me 3 beautiful children. She has subjugated or suppressed her own plans and her dreams to meet with mine. She moved with me to Virginia for my first job. She went back with me to school when I went for my MBA. She moved out to Utah with me when I went to work in advertising. She has loved me when I've spent hours and days at home because I'm out of work and I don't know what is coming next in my life. That's an act of faith, I think. To look at this man, this boy she met 10 years ago, and to let a good amount of her future be left to his decision. That is love.

Today's To Dos

Today's To Dos:

1. Write "Thank You" notes to the managers I've interviewed with
2. Complete my report to Utah Jobs to receive my unemployment benefit
3. Follow up with hiring managers on current jobs I've applied for
4. Apply for new jobs that fit my skill set
5. Contact past recruiters and let them know I'm available for immediate hire
6. Sign up to take the GRE this fall
7. Study for the GRE
8. Work on PhD applications for my top schools
9. Finish writing my YA historical fantasy novel and get it to publishers and agents
10. Get a handle on my very tenuous grasp of reality so I am able to distinguish between actual, realistic long-term goals and self-deluding fantasies that entertain my own, far-fetched, if not impossible, dreams

Every Day is a First Day of Something

My daughter started first grade this morning and I had the luxury of "enough free time" that I felt I could afford to be there with her on this milestone. Actually, she didn't think much of it, but her mom and I recognize it as a milestone. As you can imagine, the place was packed with moms. I was made especially aware of this fact when a woman singled me out and invited me to join the Watch D.O.G.S. ("Dads of Great Students") organization at the school with the purpose of increasing the amount of male role-models volunteering to work with the kids. I looked around me and saw that there were, in fact, very few dad-looking people there.

Now I don't think it's a case of dead-beat dads around our elementary school. At 9am on a Monday, there is a good reason for male role-models to be busy somewhere else. And it's a noble cause, I'd like to have one of my own, in fact. To tell the truth, if I weren't out of work, I'm sure I would have missed this event in a similar pursuit of "not losing my job" in exchange for getting to see 30 new first graders stumble through the Pledge of Allegiance.

But I feel like I was living a lie. The other dads were "ready for work," giving off the appearance that they'd called the office and told them they'd be in late. You see, there's a certain uniform that the modern family provider puts on in the morning, a certain look that they all maintain. It involves slacks and button-ups, pressed shirts, and shiny shoes. Often there is a cell phone carrier attached at about waist level. At any rate, there is a certain look that says, "I am a middle-manager in corporate America." It says many other things, at least to me it did. At least this morning. Things like: "I am engaged in work that requires me to look like a professional. I am wearing my 'I'm a professional outfit' along with my 'professional person' shoes, and this odd, but respectable 'professional cell phone belt clip' because that is what the people who hired me are paying for." I also heard, "I am here right now, doing what I gotta do, but I belong somewhere else, where everyone is dressed just like me."

Well, I was dressed nicely as well--I mean, I didn't look like a schlub--but I was certainly not sending out the message that I had somewhere to be or something I needed to do. My day will consist of following up on job applications, studying for the GRE, and planning my schedule of interviews and call-backs for the week, not to mention the crafting and publication of this super important blog post. I was a dad that didn't deserve to be there. I was not delaying my day of work or forcing my team at the office to wait while I performed dad-duty. I was just taking the morning off--unpaid time off, mind you--to do something fun with my family. I am on a stolen vacation.

My work ethic (which often sounds like the voice of my depression-era grandmother) tells me that I'm not a millionaire, that I'm not some playboy heir to a family fortune, that I'm not a good-for-nothing layabout (sp?) that lives off the government and charity of others. So, I should have a job and I should be at work. And she's right--I mean, I'm right. I need to get a job. And one of those clippy cell phone belt thingys.

The Need to Make a Difference

Well, it's another Monday. I have plenty to do today, so of course I am going to procrastinate those important things by instead, resurrecting the blog. I already successfully invested 32 minutes in adjusting the layout, making a template change, tweaking things here and there, and then reliving some great moments of my blog past. Now it's time to get to work in earnest on my effort at delaying my work.

I have been unemployed for over a month. I spend lots of time worrying about that dilemma. And I spend a little bit of time every day actually doing something about it. The difficulty that I find is that I don't really know what I want to do next. I know it involves getting paid, and it most likely involves doing some sort of work for others that delivers value, which would lead back again to the "getting paid," but I don't really have many more specifics than that, you know, nailed down right now.

There are three paths that I'd like to follow:
1. I'd love to be an author. That would entail finally finishing my 80,000 word novel that I've been "secretly" working on for over 7 years. This seems like the most awesome, but also the most risky of my paths. Mostly because I would have to finish the novel, then get it to somebody that would want to publish it, then get lots of people to want to buy it and read it; all of which seem like lofty, ungrounded dreams to me at this point.

2. I'd like to go back to school for my PhD in Marketing. I have learned over my "long" career that what I really love doing is to figure out little puzzles and come up with clever, researched solutions. Then, I like sharing the case study of those puzzles I helped solve with others, usually in a presentation, report, case study, or client training. For a few years now I've been able to do that stuff in the guise of an Advertising Man, where it took the form of consulting, campaign planning, and client trainings. But I've since realized that these are also the things that marketing professors get to do most days, only they call the consulting "teaching" and they call their paying clients "students." And the results are quite similar.

3. I'd be happy to have a new job where I get paid to go to work and do something that I'm good at. The key for me is that, if I leave ad agency, I need to feel like I'm climbing up a new ladder. That I'm somehow starting something with a long-term, big picture-type of trajectory. Something that makes sense with what I've done and what I'm trying to do. I know it sounds selfish and that I may come off like a petulant child, but I don't want to have to go to work every day! And I need to feel like I'm getting more out of my investment of time and energy than a bi-weekly paycheck and a few paid vacation days. I need to be making a difference.

Digital Paneling

So, I sat on a digital marketing panel for the Utah Chapter of the American Advertising Federation (AAF Utah) last night. With some illustrious local advertising experts:
Jason Bangerter, Founder StruckAxiom

Dave Nibley, Creative Director Rain

Craig Aramaki, Chief Digital Officer Richter7

Ian Barkley, Business Development Rastar

And Me, Shawn Butler, Digital Strategy Saxton|Horne

Here is a photo of the panel:


Here is a photo from the panel:

(Notice the conspicuously empty front row)

One of my favorite moments of the night was a discussion on social media marketing. We identified that sites like Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and even MySpace are vehicles for tactical execution of an overall strategy. Craig mentioned that social networking is not new, that it was a part of human nature to give word-of-mouth referrals to our peer groups. And I shared my illustration that we are simply using technology and the facility of social media platforms to augment a behavior that has been occurring since the days of the cave men: A Twitter post that says "I love the burritos at Cafe Rio" is our modern equivalent to "Hey, Og, eat there! That bush has good berries."

I though it was a clever analogy, and it apparently struck a chord with some audience members!



It was a great conversation in a room full of smart people. And says GREAT things about the future of digital and creative advertising in Salt Lake and the Mountain West area. For more fun quotes, you can search Twitter or go to the Utah Ad Fed's FB Page.

Social Media Addiction Presentation

This is the video of the presentation that I did for Ignite Salt Lake last month on Social Media Addiction.

Shawn Butler: The 6th Legal Addiction

The 6th Legal Addiction

The 6th Legal Addiction

The FDA currently recognizes 5 substances as being both legal and addictive:
Legal Addictive Substances:

1. Caffeine 
2. Nicotine 
3. Alcohol 
4. Meds: Aspirin & Prescription Drugs 
5. Sugar 

Reading the definition above, and in my profession as a social media marketer, I am more and more convinced that we have discovered the 6th legal addictive substance. Social media websites like Facebook and Twitter fit the description of an addictive substance perfectly. In fact, psychologists are currently debating an additional substance called IVR that would be attributable to a line of “behavioral addictions” including compulsive shopping, kleptomania, overeating, problem gambling and Twitter usage. Research has shown that engaging in social media activities stimulates the same neurological pleasure sensors of the brain, releasing alpha waves and endorphins into the system, as cocaine, heroine and sexual activity.

Skinner's Box

In the 1960’s, famed behavioral scientist B.F. Skinner, originator of “pavlovian training” and “conditioned response,” ran experiments on animals that determined a type of addictive behavior he called Intermittent Variable Reward (IVR) – A method of behavioral reinforcement conditioned by rewarding action intermittently (as opposed to consistently).

One of his experiments consisted of putting a rat in a cage with a button that it could push to release a food pellet. The rat would at first push the button a few times, and then, gradually get into a pattern of just pushing it when he was hungry. However, Skinner found that if he adjusted the button so that it sometimes gave 1 pellet, sometimes 2, and sometimes no pellets, that the rat would become addicted to the act of pushing the button at the expense of all else; forgetting to eat, to sleep or anything—literally pushing the button until it died.

Classic Behavioral Addictions

This is the same psychological mechanism that makes slot machines so addictive. You see, it’s the “variable” that is exciting to us. It is the “not knowing.” If a slot machine gave you back a $1 every time you inserted $1, it would be like an ATM machine. You'd never get addicted.

There are literally thousands of people right now all over the world who are compulsively clicking the refresh button on their email, Facebook, and Twitter to check if they have been tagged, friended, unfriended or invited to something. The science of intermittent variable reward tells us that we're "addicted" to checking our social media accounts not because we know we'll be rewarded with something interesting, but because we might be.

FUN FACT: There are only 2 industries that refer to their customers as “users:"
1. The internet.      2. Drug dealers.

Why I Suck as a Blogger

In the voice of Chris Farley in “Tommy Boy,” this is why I suck as a blogger:

Shawn: Hey, what’s your name?
Helen: Helen.
Shawn: That’s nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, we’re both internet users. Let me tell you why I suck as a blogger. Let’s say I have an idea to blog about, let’s say it's an even remotely interesting idea. I've thought about it, I've even done a little research on it. Well, then I get all excited. I’m like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. Now the pet is my possible blog. Hello there, pretty little pet. I love you. And then I stroke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hehe, I love it! I love my little, naughty pet. You’re naughty. And then I take my naughty pet and I go
[making ripping noises as I tear apart a roll or other visual aid]

That's the point where I am usually either 300 words into an impossible-to-complete post OR I have been completely de-railed and I have moved on to something else that caught my (oh, shiny!) attention. I have these great ideas, and really the best intentions, but I am truly my own worst enemy. I famously bite off more than I can chew or completely suffer from an imbalance of priorities. At the same time.

Tommy: Uuuuuuh. I killed it. I killed my [blog]. And that’s when I blow it. That’s when people like us have gotta forge ahead, Helen. Am I right?
Helen: God, you’re sick.