Monday, September 9, 2013

Monday Morning

It’s Monday morning and I’m bursting with unused potential. I am in my 2nd month of being unemployed and I want so much more than what I’ve got. I want to scream what’s in my soul onto the face of this paper. I want to sit on a stage and pour my heart out, then stand and scream the verses to an audience so that it draws the tears from my eyes, their eyes. I want to have a finish line in view, just on the horizon and push every ounce of energy into every muscle and motion and squeeze out my breath like a suffocating sailor who sees the surface just over his head, just out of reach, and it seems like the last, most important thing I can do with my life is to give everything I’ve got because over that line, when the race is done, I’ve won and I don’t need to do anything after that, because that was what my life was meant for. That’s how the energy of my soul was meant to be spent. Like a rockstar giving their greatest performance, like an athlete running a world-record race, like an actor who knows, when he has delivered those lines, that he has played out an award-winning role--that he has made himself immortal. 

Someday I want to look back on this period of my life--these months when, because of my lack of focus on the work of a client in the world of ad agency or the business of marketing--I instead found myself with empty days of available canvas and found the focus and ambition within myself to not “do my job,” "attend this meeting," or “email the client back,” but to create something that came from my mind, my experiences, my soul, and my imagination that overcomes the experience of our daily, disappointing reality and replaces it with a simple, straightforward, and fathomable answer to the question that we all are asking: “Why doesn't my life make sense?”

Why can't we answer this question: “Why isn’t my ending and direction as clear to me now as they will be to me one day, when the ending is finally here and I reach the finish and can look back and say, ‘That’s why I was here, that was my purpose,’ and ‘If only I had known what I was working on, then I would have given it my all and done it my very best,’” Or at least I would have gotten myself about doing it sooner than this.

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